Walking without a map

“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”

— Seneca

Building Mission 52 has been a strange experience. I’ve never done anything like this before. It’s overwhelming at times. But I’m chipping away, trying to set good foundations without getting ahead of myself.

I keep telling myself: if I focus on the next step, eventually I’ll have built something I can look back on, hopefully with pride.

But what if I don’t like it?

What if it’s a mess or confusing to others? What if it drips with the kind of self-esteem that makes people cringe? Like, I’m trying to be wise when I’m just working things out in real-time?

I know this kind of doubt is part of the process: build, question, refine, build. But sometimes the questioning gets loud.

I want to create something I’m proud of. Something that helps others. But when I feel that craving (when I imagine someone telling me it meant something to them), I flinch. Is that just my ego getting involved? Is that the part of me that wants approval sneaking through in disguise?

These things are deceptive. They shape-shift. You think you’re aligned, but by the time you realise you’re off course, it’s too late. You hate what you’ve made. You walk away.

I hope I don’t let that happen.

I really do.