How It Works: 1. Define What Matters
The Three Layers of Value Definition
Most values exercises begin with a list.
Freedom. Family. Adventure. Growth. Connection…
The goal is usually to identify the words that resonate most strongly and call them your values. It’s a useful starting point, but it often leaves people with a problem. They know which words matter to them, but they don’t know what to do with them.
Months later, the list sits forgotten in a notebook or buried inside a document they never revisit. Not because values don’t matter, but because the exercise stopped too early.
Over time, I noticed that values seem to exist across three distinct layers. Understanding these layers helps explain why some values become useful guides while others remain little more than words on a page.
Layer 1:
Qualities
At their foundation, values begin as qualities.
These are the characteristics we recognise in ourselves and others. Things like courage, curiosity, compassion, honesty, patience, presence and responsibility.
Most of us can recognise these qualities instinctively. We know what courage looks like when we see it. We know what compassion feels like when it’s offered to us. We know when somebody is acting with integrity.
The challenge is that qualities are still quite abstract. They tell us something about how we want to show up in the world, but they don’t tell us much about where those qualities matter most or how they shape our decisions.
Knowing that curiosity matters to you is a useful starting point. Understanding what curiosity means in your life is where things become more interesting.
Reflection:
Think about somebody you admire.
What qualities come to mind?
Layer 2:
Domains
Life doesn’t happen in qualities alone. It happens somewhere.
At work. Within relationships. At home. Through creativity. In nature. As part of a community.
These are domains.
They provide the context in which our values are expressed.
People often say things like, “Family is one of my values.” In reality, family is usually a domain. It’s an area of life where values become visible.
What actually matters within that domain might be presence, connection, compassion or loyalty. Those same qualities may show up differently in work, friendships or personal projects.
Thinking in domains helps us move beyond broad statements and start noticing where our values are being lived. It grounds them in real life rather than leaving them floating around as abstract concepts.
Reflection:
Where do your values become most visible?
At work? In relationships? Through creativity? Somewhere else?
Layer 3:
Meaning
This is the layer that most values exercises miss.
Meaning is what happens when qualities are expressed within the domains of your life and reflected on over time.
It’s deeply personal, which is why two people can both value freedom and mean entirely different things by it.
For one person, freedom might mean travelling the world. For another, it might mean having control over their time. For somebody else, it could mean creative autonomy, financial independence or simply having enough space to think.
The word is the same, but the meaning behind it is entirely different.
This is why simply choosing values from a list is rarely enough. The real work begins when you start defining what those values mean in your life.
Not as dictionary definitions, but through lived experience.
Example:
One of my values is peace.
I could leave it there, but that doesn’t tell me much when life becomes busy or complicated. The value only becomes useful once I’ve taken the time to understand what peace actually means in my life.
Part of that definition has emerged through hundreds of mornings spent journaling quietly with a mug of tea and my dog beside me. Sometimes at home, sometimes somewhere in nature, watching the light move across the river or listening to birdsong before the day begins.
Those moments have taught me that peace isn’t about escaping life. It’s about creating enough space to notice it.
That’s what makes it a value I can actually live by, rather than simply a word I’d like to be true.
Summary
In short, values become more useful as they become more personal.
Qualities give us direction, domains provide context, and meaning turns a word into something we can recognise and return to in everyday life.
Next Step
Understanding the three layers is one thing. The next step is turning them into your own values.
In the next section, we’ll walk through a simple process for defining values that reflect your life, rather than borrowing somebody else’s.